The holidays are the most irritating time of the year.
Chris Hondros / Getty
1. It's 6 a.m. What the fuck am I doing here?
2. I'm going to mop and listen to Al Green all day and no one's going to stop me.
3. The holidays are the most irritating time of the year.
4. Am I allowed to wear this at work?
5. Corporate better not make me buy new outfits.
6. I spend more money on work clothes than I'll make all week.
7. I spend more money on fast food than I'll make all week.
8. I need to remember to say the tagline.
9. Wait, what is the tagline?
10. Used the tagline, the customer didn't even acknowledge me.
11. How much longer can I stand here texting before someone notices?
12. How much longer can I stand here eating before someone notices?
13. How much drunker can I get before someone notices?
14. How much explicit Kanye West can I play before someone notices?
15. 95 boxes of shipment? Kill me.
16. FUCK. There's a secret shopper in here. MUST. CLEAN. EVERYTHING.
17. Must remember the tagline. Must say the tagline. Remembered! Yes.
18. Can I just say there are no mediums left instead of checking the stock room?
19. Why doesn't anyone actually clean the stock room?
20. Maybe I can just take a nap back here and no one will notice.
21. Shit, how long has it been?
22. Why am I the only person on register?
23. This kid reeks of marijuana.
24. This kid reeks of alcohol.
25. This kid doesn't believe I'm the manager.
26. This isn't a club. Stop singing, stop dancing.
27. This isn't a lounge. Why are you napping on the floor?
28. Why is this customer telling me this story?
29. Who is this creeper bothering my employees?
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30. I'm never going to return these clothes, please stop asking me.
31. These clothes smell like cigarettes and lunch meat.
32. Please, “call corporate.” They don't want your bologna jeans either.
33. Where are all these children coming from?
34. These demon children are destroying the entire store.
35. Wow, those kids were actually pretty nice.
36. No, we're not hiring, we're never hiring again.
37. Look how cool that old couple is. Wait… why are they reading “Maxim”?
38. Are these peeps gonna buy anything or what?
39. Why are those people laying on the floor?
40. Why are those people eating their meals in here?
41. The entire store smells like chicken.
42. I hope there aren't any go-backs in the dressing room.
43. What a splendid surprise an ENORMOUS pile of dirty clothes.
44. You seriously think you can take this home and give me your card number later?
45. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH THE CREEPY GUY.
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