Hell is a bikini and some large waves.
Bikini bottoms are approximately 3 inches of fabric, which means you have to groom A LOT in order to avoid looking like you're hiding a troll doll.
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Bikinis basically have zero support for your best friends. (Your boobs)
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If you try to give yourself some support, you end up exposing some serious underboob which isn't pleasant for anyone involved.
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And if tops DO have support it comes in the form of 9 inches of padding, which is just excessive, and now your boobs are at your chin.
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19 Reasons Bikinis Are An Invention Of Satan
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